she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
