That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize