the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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