I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
