Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
