i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
