I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
