if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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