I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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