Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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