If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
