I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
