he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
