i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize