When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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