That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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