she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
