Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
How external is "for external use only"?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
