I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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