im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
