he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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