it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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