the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
