benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
