i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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