I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I think my moral compass just broke
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