he wants to bone in the snuggie
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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