I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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