Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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