god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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