Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
