i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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