Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
