im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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