Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
