Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
