if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
