she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
