Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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