I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
