Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
