Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
