I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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