Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
