just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
