its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
