so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
