Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize