i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Someone came in the potted fern
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
