My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
