have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
