She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
