Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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