Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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