My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
