just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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