I think my fart just growled at me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
