I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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