he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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